Thursday, June 5, 2008

Dear Candid Carrie, Asked And Answered

As usual, my e-mail box is flooded with fan adoration and reader questions. Alright, one e-mail from one reader and they wanted to know if I was still off my meds. But that's not what is important here. What is important is that you need to know that I take each one of my readers as seriously as they take me. Therefore, I am beginning an advice series called, Dear Candid Carrie. Cool, huh?. Let me help you.

Today's question is a real life question with a real life answer asked by a real life girlfriend of mine. I will post the question now and the answer later today. Feel free to attempt an answer it in the comment section because that will be fun for me and as legend has it, everyone is just six degrees away from Candid Carrie so this will help bring the topic full circle right back to me. There is no prize and only one right answer, mine. Ready?

Dear Candid Carrie, Asked:

Dear Candid Carrie: With that house full of kids and cats, do you and David have any “grown up” time?

Thanks for asking me that, you real life girlfriend of mine. With kids and cats running rampant at any given moment, David and I have devised the perfect system for our designated “grown up” time.



It is located on “the man’s side of the bed” right on top of my husband’s nightstand in plain sight. Can you see it? It is hidden in plain sight! Everybody has one and as soon as you find out what it is and how to use it properly, I guarantee you’ll be granted ample “grown up” time of your own.

Any guesses? I'll be back later. Here is a hint, the only reason there are no numbers on the clock is because I took the picture during the power outage we had this morning. That's right, gale force winds and a tornado-like advisory thing and I am thinking about my peeps.

Dear Candid Carrie, Answered

Certainly everyone has a money jar. If it isn't in your bedroom, move it there. Now. If you don't have a money jar, get a money jar (don't spend actual money on a money jar, use something you already have at home). I am afraid if I don't make this part abundantly clear to my readers, the result could be a barrage of new questions.
Dear Candid Carrie, I found a money jar at Target, but I think it is too large and doesn't provide the ambiance I was hoping to establish in my semi-fung-shui-ish bedroom.
It doesn't matter if it is a jar, a bowl, or a Ziploc sandwich bag. Please trust me, it isn't the size of the money jar that matters, it is how you use it.

The next part is very important. You will need to make the children very well aware of the money jar. If they find a coin on the floor, in the couch, near the curb or in the gutter ... it doesn't matter where they find it, tell them to put it in the money jar.

Be sure they know where the money jar is at all times. Don't move it around, they need to be able to access it. It needs to be tangible in your bedroom. This is key. Your children need to realize that there is an ever changing amount of coin in that money jar. The money adds up, keeps accumulating, never the same total twice. A quarter here, a penny there. The most important lesson for the children is that the amount of the money in that jar is never consistent. Never.

Now that you've introduced the money jar to the children and they are aware that the total increases a little bit here and a little bit there, you may proceed with your "quality grown up" time by telling the children that mom and dad need to "count the money."

** That's right kids, we have no idea how much money we have so we need to count it and if we get disturbed, we have to start counting all over and it will take even longer. You don't want that to happen do you?

** It doesn't matter if we just counted the money at lunch time, mommy thinks she got short changed and we need to count the money again.

** Sweetie, last time daddy counted his money first and this time mommy wants to make sure she gets the her money counted before daddy empties his wallet again.

** Listen, it is very important that mommy knows how much money there is in that jar. Now go get daddy from the couch and tell him mommy needs her money counted. Now.

Anyway, you've got the general picture. As children get older, you may need to be more specific with money issues.

** It may take longer to count the money, your father is easily distracted and can't line the up money like he did years ago.

** Well, I can't help it if we don't count the money quietly, sometimes I am shocked by the small amount of money your father has left after all the years.

** Of course I am sad, your father simply cannot manage his money any more and I needed to take matters into my own hands. It isn't that I mind, I just never thought we would have problems with our finances.

** No, don't wake your father. I am meeting with a financial planner, he told me that my assets have more value than anyone every estimated. I just need to diversify.

Next question. Anyone?

Well, when you have one I can be reached at candidcarrie at gmail dot com

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106 comments:

Kandace said...

i know, i know!

You use the lotion to grease up the door knob so it'll be so slickery the kids can't get in.

Did I get it? I got it didn't I? I knew it!

Carrie said...

Not even close. Good try though, but not even close.

insane mama said...

I'm thinking you take that bottle of coins... give it to the kids and tell them to take the cats out for ice cream... then you can lather each other up with lotion and wipe each other off with those handy kleenex
Or
wait is it the remote and
YOU HAVE THE ADULT CHANNEL?

~Billie~ said...

You use the remote to turn up your TV really loud to disquise any noises coming from your room? LOL!

Carrie said...

Been there, done that. Came up with better idea to share with all of you.

Mama Dawg said...

All I can see is the lotion and kleenex and what that indicates to me is David alone time...not together time. Unless you guys are really kinky.

I got nuttin'.

leezee52 said...

I don't know I can't guess if it doesn't have KY Jelly in the photo...LOL

Mrs. Romero said...

I don't see the padlock that we use, so I am clueless.

TentCamper said...

You take the whole table and wedge it against the door to keep the kids out.
or
ball up some Kleenex, put it outside your door, lock the door and tell the kids you are sick or not feeling well and that Daddy is "taking care of you."

buffalodickdy said...

That's the family room TV remote- You give it to them to go away from the bedroom to the downstairs family room....

insane mama said...

Wait... I didn't get the clue, I get it.. You, Carrie, have the power to produce Gale force winds and tornados that fling your children into the air just so you can get some... my kind of lady
All Classy...

Talisman said...

*gasp* you're beating your children with the lamp?! *giggle*

Sunshine said...

I think it has something to do w/the alarm clock. Can you say 2 a.m. s*x?

Teri said...

You turn the TV off and leave the lamp on while he rubs your feet with the lotion to get you ready for "adult time"????

Jo said...

Dear Candid Carrie:

If you are ashamed of that nightstand as you said in your comment on my post, I really really should show you a picture of both mine and my husband's...oh, and the top of my dresser too. There is a reason that I don't usually post pictures of our bedroom on my blog ;-) I might if you dared me.

I have no guesses for the answer of your question. Your other commenters are too funny though!

JWilson said...

many thoughts have gone through my mind but I think I am going to have to go with this one; you give the remote to the kids and they can pick out whatever they want on TV, then you and the hubbie use the lotion for something fun and the kleenex to clean up with.

Lula! said...

Now I'm singing, "Skkkky rockets in flight...afternoon delight..." Starland Vocal Band, forever may they reign.

I have no guesses. Just humming cheesy 70's tunes while wondering how y'all are getting your groove on. How pervy is that? A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste--this is why I share mine with you.
p.s. Love the new column...famous...you're so going to be famous.

Heather said...

Do you bribe the children to go away with the money? Do you hand him the lotion while you go occupy the children? Do you stuff their little ears with the tissues?

Hurry up and post the answer! I need to know the trick!!!

Carrie said...

Insane Mama headed toward the money before anyone else went there, hmmm ...

Lula! said...

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!! You must stop. I mean, I already told you this one was gonna put you over the edge of fame, but come on...this puts you in the league of SUPERSTAR status. "Last time Daddy counted his money first, and this time mommy wants to make sure she gets her money counted before daddy empties his wallet again." No you Dih-int!

I CANNOT TAKE ANYMORE. You are making me cough my head off, darn you.

JWilson said...

"Listen, it is very important that mommy knows how much money there is in that jar. Now go get daddy from the couch and tell him mommy needs her money counted. Now."

Are you using your children as Pimps??? :)) God you are smart! I feel I am going to learn alot from this new column of yours, can't wait for the next issue.

insane mama said...

You are good. Period. End of the story.

Sunshine said...

You're a GEEEnius!

Heather said...

Oh My goodness! I just found your blog from a comment you left on another and I am so glad I did! I can not remember the last time I have laughed so hard! THIS is brilliant! I SO need a money jar!! You are too much! I will be back- often!
Thanks!!
-Heather :)

Mama's Losin' It said...

**Ok kids, Mrs. Romero is going to come over today and I need you to be very good for me ok. Daddy and I need a little help counting all our money and Mrs. Romero is a REALLY GOOD money counter. We love counting money with her.

**You know kids, mommy counts money much better if she dresses up as a bank teller. She's going to go in the room to count money...but Daddy is a robber! You see that scary bandana tied across his mouth. He's going to be a very naughty robber, but don't worry, mommy will punish him for trying to stop her from counting the money...

Kandace said...

OMG! These are even better than the ones you were hitting me with last night.

I am glad I know you now, before you go get FAMOUS and then I can say I knew her when the only thing she could afford to do for fun was count her money!

Julie said...

LOL too funny although MY kids would be fighting to count it themselves.

Lauren said...

OMG OMG OMG! You are totally teaching me what I need so that WHEN it is my turn I will be able to hit the ground running! G-D you are wickedly smart!

Angie said...

OMG! I am dying here! I think my favorite might be...
** Sweetie, last time daddy counted his money first and this time mommy wants to make sure she gets her money counted before daddy empties his wallet again.
Hysterical!

Lindsay said...

That is hilarious! I so need a money jar. Good idea, you are to much.

wolfqueen2 said...

What can I say? I great idea, a funny post, you made me laugh till I cried? All covered in the comments above. Nothing left to say but I am so glad I found your blog. It's an everyday read for me.

Suzanne's Blog, Jane's Blog said...

Once again you have done it. What do you do when the kids are to old to believe that money counting story. Well with 6 kids I guess you have been doing alot of counting over the years, you should have millions by now.

SuzyQ said...

Haha! Too funny - so many witty comments too! LOL! No kiddos yet so hubby and I still walk around the house pretty much naked and leave "fun stuff" in plain sight (unless guests or family come of course - lol). But I will have to remember your little trick when we do decide to finally start a family. :)

Candy said...

Oh, do we need a money jar! That's perfect and soooo good. Your lines are hilarious. Darn men and their money counting skills...

And once the kids are old enough, give them chop-sticks. My parents used to make lunch and then say, "Let's eat with chop-sticks!" We would take forever to eat and my parents would sneak off. Never knew it until about 2 yrs ago when Mom finally fessed up while we were eating at a Chinese restaurant with my 2 children and I was pg w/ the 3rd!

Talisman said...

No, don't wake your father. I am meeting with a financial planner, he told me that my assets have more value than anyone every estimated. I just need to diversify.

*snicker*

Jo said...

"Diversify" If I wasn't so tired because of the sick baby not sleeping 'til 2am, I'd be screaming with laughter.

Teri said...

I'm...uh...speechless. That is utter perfection! I am in awe. Excellent!!!

Tiaras & Tantrums said...

girl - you are TOO funny!

Shanna said...

ROFL! This is genius!!!

Pauline said...

you are bad, carrie.
really really bad.
in a sick and sweet and crazy way.

Danielle said...

This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have read. Ever.

!!!!

Debbie said...

Carrie..why aren't you writing for Letterman?

Bottles Barbies & Boys said...

Where the heck was I at on Thursday? How did I miss this! ROFL.....ROFL....ROFL..Oh OH oH Too funny!
Sounds insane that these words are coming out of my mouth. BUT Yes, I cam say I have NEVER had financial issues!
I already had a money jug in our room, so Now I can give it true purpose. Thank you Carrie, Carrie? Carrie?
Are you listening?
She must be dealing with her financial problems I won't bother her ;)

Bottles Barbies & Boys said...

I forgot to tell you one of our little secrets. We are always doing Laundry!

Deb said...

First that was one of the funniest things I have ever read - but until I read the answer, I was all like. oh yeah they're up to something with the lotion and the kleenex.
Just the same, what are the kleenex and the lotion doing right there - on the "mans side of the bed"?

EmBee said...

But Carrie... You made it abundantly clear that, should the kids find money they must immediately put it in the money jar... What if you're 'BUSY' counting the money at the same time they want to add found change to the jar? What then, I ask you? What then?

EmBee said...

Oh and what if your husband is ALWAYS wanting to count the money but you're just content to let the money accrue for awhile... Interest is a very important factor in counting money, wouldn't you agree?

trashalou said...

That's where I have been going wrong! We have a money jar in the kitchen and I give it to the children to count! Doh!

wehave9 said...

My kids would be "borrowing" money constantly so i would not have anything to count! We use the excuse that he is rubbing my back or we need to talk! Normally it works, but we also normally have at least one 3 year old knock on the door. Congrats on your day!

Heather said...

Well, you've already posted the answer by the time I got to this link (congrats on being the SITS FBotD!), but when I saw the money jar, I assumed you and your hubby were pennying yourselves into the room. "Um, kids? We're stuck in here........."

Cheers!

Belle said...

NOW I hear about a really good strategy, just in time for my kids to move out.

Crazy Momma said...

I freakin' love it! If I were not single this is something I would TOTALLY use!

wendy said...

LOL! I thought you were going to say it was the remote control because in our house, that's all we need. Simply turn on the "flashy box" and we have all the alone time we could ever want...more than we could want, actually! The house could burn down and the kids would not notice!

Funny, funny stuff! Congrats again, SITSta.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

"Diversify," eh? That's the best euphemism I've ever heard.

How many kids do you have? Ages? You might want to list it in your profile - it's hard for a new reader to get her bearings!

Oh, and our kids' Little Tykes wagon? It was assembled by Larry Eagle, who was Bruce's drummer on his American folk songs album. 2 degrees of separation, baby!

Creative Junkie said...

ogm - this was hysterical! I absolutely LOVE your sense of humor!

Kendrawolf said...

Ok, NOW I know what you mean when you say "count the money". I've been reading you for a few months, but I started after this post. You are TOO funny!
Sometimes it takes a while to count the money in our house... especially after daddy has had a few beers.

mrsbear0309 said...

That's by far the best strategy I've heard. You obviously put some thought into that. However at my house there are days when I have no interest in counting money and would much rather use that generous time block for a power nap. Happy SITS day.

Vicki is Not So SAHM said...

I love this post. It lasts on and on in comment lore as I have seen several people reference it in comments to posts on other blogs.

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Oh my GOSH I love this!!!! I'm SO sending MR. B the link.

You are WAY to funny girlfriend!!!!

Oh - just tell the kids you are liquidating Dad's assets....

justjuli said...

Oh my gosh - That is THE best idea ever! I will have to keep that in my mental vault for use when I need it.

I had a friend who told her kids to watch a TV show while her and daddy went upstairs to pray for a baby.
:) But you have that one beat. hands down!

Lori said...

We simply tell the kids it's "Mommy-Daddy time" but I just realized how much that sounds like "Howdy Doody time" so I won't be able to say it with a straight face any more.

Half-Past Kissin' Time said...

Pure genius, Carrie.

Rhea said...

Counting the money is a fabulous euphamism but won't work in my house. My boys love nothing more than to really count coins. lol (and I mean that in a non-dirty way. They honestly love counting money)

Kelly Deneen said...

You really are a genius! LOL. And your lines are perfectly written. bwahaha! We definitely need to get a money jar. :)

EmBee said...

Just as funny as the first time I read it... But you never answered the questions from my previous comments?

Cheryl Ann said...

this is AWESOME. pure genius!

thotlady said...

Ahh, the old counting the money trick.

If you had my brother as a son and you really were counting the money, each time there would be less and less not more and more.

Funny post.

Camille; Ponytail Challenge said...

Hmmm....I might need to move our money jar from it's current location.
Very clever...and hilarious idea.

sassy stephanie said...

OMgosh. That is hilarious! Gotta run...I have an empty mason jar to find!

Cassie said...

Absolutely hilarious! I don't have to worry about that just yet, but at least I will know what to do when the time comes!

Dana said...

Great plan only my little lovlies would constantly want to help count the money! What would you do then Carrie?

MomMega said...

Genius! I love it!

Mrs. S said...

I guess we've been using our coin jar for the entirely wrong reasons: the child's college fund...crap.

PhatMom said...

O
M
G

GENIUS! My husband would LOVE this idea. However, my 5yr old son would find a way to give us just "one more penny" while we are "counting". That is how it always works. LOL!

Karol said...

That's an awesome idea! Except mine are still a bit young to roaming the house unsupervised! damn.

AJ said...

Genuis!

So funny... Gotta find something to use as a money jar now. Thanks for the tip! *lol*

Mekhismom said...

This is very funny. And a brilliant idea.

Michelle said...

And here I thought it was going to be the flipper (that's a remote control for those of you outside my family).

And is it at all disturbing that our money jar is a large Jim Beam bottle?

dddiva said...

Absolutely genius. And now I must get some actual work done around here, but I am coming back when I have a little free time. ;-)

Kimmers said...

This is completely hysterical, and if I didn't already read you regularly, this would have sealed the deal. I'm totally keeping this in mind for when I have little ones running around.

Nichole and Scott said...

I LOVE IT! I LOVE IT!! I LOVE IT!!! I'm laughing so hard I might pee my pants. Thanks for sharing and for starting this new column of sorts. I have a request/question. Can you ask your readers to check out the blog, Tuesday's Prayers at http://half12.blogspot.com/2008/08/tuesdays-prayers.html I think the ability we have to spread her story through you and your readers would be amazing. Thanks!

Feliz said...

Hmmm. Great idea! Here's how it goes in our house. "You guys watch Sponge Bob. Mom and I will be getting dressed."

"But you just got dressed."

"huh huh. I mean we have to put away some laundry. Just watch Sponge Bob."

Jaime said...

Oh, that's GOOD!!

I love it!

Congrats on being SITS featured today!!!

Now, off to look for my money jar! I may actually get MORE time if I make the 6 year old count it...

kmm0305 said...

Hmmm, my girls are always counting the money in their money jars--maybe I can send them to their rooms to do that while mom and dad do something else . . . ;)

Untypically Jia said...

That it too funny! OMG I love it! I need a money jar! Of course I don't have kids, but still, a jar of money would be nice LOL!

Party of 5 said...

ROTFLMAO!!! Good idea. I'll will have to find my own money jar that's for sure. For now though a movie works.

Live.Love.Eat said...

Brilliant idea, and brilliant story!!!

Stephanie said...

I loved reading the comments, you could tell the ones that came before you posted your (brilliant!) answer. So funny!

Holly at Tropic of Mom said...

"Now go get daddy from the couch and tell him mommy needs her money counted. Now." Hahahaha!

Jess said...

HAHAHA GOOD ONE! Ours is a money wipe box. LOL but Never thought to use it that way. Now I will.

Lauren Horsley said...

Who knew a happy marriage can be bought with a handful of change? Too clever!

Zen Ventures said...

LOL! Does anyone think this would work well with my 4 year old?! She loves collecting coins, I probably should make her do some rounds at the house looking for more coins while we do "grown up time"!

Hairline Fracture said...

I remember reading this before and thinking too bad it wouldn't work for me because my daughter loves money so much she couldn't stand to be left out if she thought we were counting some!

Kelly said...

Nice idea...might have to steal it. Or just put lotion and tissues on the hubby's side of the bed and let him have special alone time!!

lynn said...

Dang, I think mine are a little to old to start that trick! LOL

Melanie said...

Total genius and hilarious to boot.

Hillary said...

You are too funny, Carrie. Absolutely hilarious! I've got to stop in here more often.

Heather said...

OMG, you are too freakin' funny! I think I'm lovin' the diversifying your funds with the financial planner part...never heard it quite put that way before. And it sounds so responsible.

Congrats on your sauciness. Hope you enjoyed your day in the limelight with all of your comment lovin'. Maybe tonight you won't need to count the money at all :)

Heather said...

OMG, you are too freakin' funny! I think I'm lovin' the diversifying your funds with the financial planner part...never heard it quite put that way before. And it sounds so responsible.

Congrats on your sauciness. Hope you enjoyed your day in the limelight with all of your comment lovin'. Maybe tonight you won't need to count the money at all :)

Andie said...

I'll have to remember those tips for my money jar...

angie said...

I think this just might be the funniest post I've ever read. Ever.

Karen said...

My diet coke just went up my nose!!

I wish I'd known that one when my kids were young!!!

WheresMyAngels said...

OMgosh that is the best idea. Now my husband won't have to tell our 4 year old he has to fix mommies back!

Wep said...

OMG that is the funniest thing I have ever read!

Summer Saldana said...

Visiting from Sits!

I would have said, he uses the lotion. ;-) I have no time to "count money." ha ha!

Nancy said...

hehehe you rock :)