Urine, You're Out, You're Back In Again

Have you ever been with a bunch of your old friends and then one of your old friends invites new friends to come along? Suddenly you are the outsider with your original friends because everything else seems like an "outside" joke and you just don't get it and you wish you were back in the days when everything was an "inside" joke?

Well, in order to catch on to today's post you will need to quickly read yesterday's post, Toad Urine.

Sorry to be so bossy, but I have had two really bad days in a row because I am being stalked by a toad and I want you to feel just as awkward and uncomfortable with it as I do. I'll give you time to read Toad Urine right now.

Alright, now that you have read some background, I was at the front door watching the rain and I'll be damned if that same toad wasn't back again and this time I swear he was flipping me off! Here's the picture I took of that arrogant giant toad.



If you look closely, you can see his balls of steel right next to the bright green leaf. Alrighty then, I do an internet search on toads in Wisconsin and then I discover the following information on the Eastern American Toad. The article states they are common.

Seriously, I think I am being stalked by a solitare toad. I have never seen more than one of the little suckers at a time and I don't know what is so dang attractive on my front porch that would cause one toad to tell another toad to show up but only one at a time and don't get caught with a buddy because if we show up as singles it will freak her out even more. Here's what I discovered via the world wide web:

Eastern American Toad (Bufo americanus)
Family: Bufonidae
Size: 2 to 3.5 in.
Status: Common

Description: The eastern American toad can easily be identified by its dry rough skin and large swellings behind the eyes (paratoid glands). Its dorsal color can vary from brown to reddish to olive, with scattered dark spots, each encircling one to three wart-like bumps on the back. Their thick skin, which traps in body fluids better than most amphibians, allows toads to live greater distances from water than most frogs. Toads live in a wide variety of habitats ranging from prairies to wetlands to forests. They are somewhat adapted to urban settings where they occasionally persist in gardens and parks. The toad's call is a long, uninterrupted trill lasting up to 30 seconds. Each male has a slightly different pitch. They lay eggs in long strands, unique among Wisconsin's amphibians. Toad tadpoles form schools, also unique among Wisconsin frogs. Last Revised: May 15, 2006

No where in the article does it mentioned them to be porch dwellers. Now I am really ticked and beleive I need a professional toad removal service. I google Reptile Clubs and I am lucky enough to find information for a local Herp Society. I drop them a quick e-mail regarding my toad catch and release and return story, to find out if they think I am being stalked, and how to make my porch less appealing to the Eastern American Toad (EAT).

I spend the entire day comtemplating this dilema. I've got a very busy porch. I've got kids at home that are in and out easily a gugajillion times a day. As I've stated we live in the woods and shoes must come off because they are full of pine needles and sand and deer poop and coyote dander and it is worse now becaues I need to worry about toad urine.

Finally the Herp Society e-mail appears and I have been offered a couple of solutions:

Carrie,

I really don't know what to tell you about your toad friend. Do you have a pond on your property? If this was the case I would suspect that that is why he likes to be there. If this is NOT the case maybe putting a pond on your land would help you out. Make it right on your land border away from the house and replace little toadie in the pond. The only other suggestions that I would have is

1. Get a cat. The cat idea may not be ideal if you dont want any dead toads (or mice, or bugs, or frogs) given to you as a present by the cat. That and the toads are known to be slightly toxic to animals. Wouldn't make them sick, but cause some pain when the excrete the fluids.

2. Put a statue of a racoon or skunk on the porch.

3. Go around your property and look for large grass snakes, possibly water snakes (though they are mor up north area) and relocate them to your property. Though you may end up with 1 less neighbor if you start importing snakes to your home.

The last suggestion would be to keep little toadie as a friend.... but remember not to lick him.

-- Beth

My emotions are now all over the map. Anger, confusion, hunger, dispair. It has been over twenty-four hours and the toad is still on my porch. I beleive that is called loitering. Yeah, that's it. Loitering. And Stalking. About now I would like to fling that little son of a buck so far that he would land half way into next week.

But I won't. So here's the deal I made with myself (and the anonymous masses that read my blog). I will not rehome the toad and I will not give it a name. I will stop offering it to the local Herp Society to use for snake food. It will always be just a toad to me. We will learn to co-exist. Actually the toad could really give a crap, I'm the one that has something to learn only I don't know exactly what it is this time.

Where's the life lesson? What's the point? I can't even see the big picture much less draw an analogy here.

** Do unto others as you want others to do unto you?

** Free to be you and me?

** Ebony and ivory?

** I'm OK, you're ok?

** Everything I needed to know I learned from my toad?

Dear God, I know I previously promised you that everything you put on my porch I would more than cheerfully take in and care for in Your good name. I recently discovered that somethings you put on my porch will not need my intervention and I would like to thank you for the wisdom you've gifted me with so I can tell the difference. Love, Carrie.



This is a current picture of the toad, sitting on my porch just like God intended him to do.



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