Dear Diary, I Do Not Look Good In Green

Dear Diary,

I do not look good in green. Do you think that explains my aversion to my favorite network going green?

For one week every commercial, every celebrity, every glimpse of that damn NBC peacock is just screaming GREEN GREEN GREEN.

How can I ever successfully lecture my own children about peer pressure! Oh my gosh Dearest Diary! Remember that time I went to a party and everyone else was drinking but I just faked like I was drinking? The only solution I have here is to fake it. I can set the ATT thingy to record everything and then fast forward through the green parts. It will be like being at the party but not drinking. Oh my gosh, Dear Diary, I have never loved me more!

I know that the sneaky NBC peacock is a creature of habit. Last year NBC spoke green for an entire week and then everything green went to regular colors. Remember when NBC had that party where they lit the tree at Rockefeller Center? They certainly weren't stingy on the electricity that day!

Diary, I am going to pray to Baby Jesus that green only lasts a week. I have my own small universe to contend with and the way we are orbiting I can barely manage to get my kids to turn off their environmentally friendly, ultra-low wattage light bulbs to save on my personal electric bill. I can't even fathom explaining why flipping a switch at our house will alter the course of the universe. This peer pressure is crazy.

All this environmentalist chatter keeps repeating that it just takes one of us, or if each one of us, or if just one person, egad! Guess what Diary! I am just one person and I've already got responsibility for six kids and a bunch of recycled cats.

Now, I've got so much pressure from NBC that it is nearing the point of being unbearable. And every time I get my psych meds refilled, well that is one more pill bottle that ends up in a landfill, thank you very much NBC.

Diary, you know I am not a fan of birds. Remember when I was babysitting and I saw the movie The Birds and I was way too young to be exposed to such fowl violence. I think that the NBC peacock has beady little eyes that follow me so he can observe and judge my greenity.

Well, Dear Diary, thank you for listening to me again but I am concerned. It is winter. Winter in Wisconsin. I don't want to be freezing cold and live in the dark. Well, not total darkness but semi-darkness from seven watt bulbs that are shaped like cork screws.

Uh oh, I have to go now because the NBC peacock logo made me very hungry for green M&Ms.

Thank you and I am sorry that a tree had to die early so this could get printed and retained for my permanent record.

Fondly and with sorrow,



Oh, Diary? Wake up, are you still with me? Do you remember my BFFs Rhonda Klug and Bill Ihle from Harry and David? Well, they made sure that I had the opportunity to taste this year's pears.

I know the label said they were one hundred percent organic. But because a diary is private and this is just between you and me, I would have to declare these pears to be better than organic. I know organic is the ultimate fruit term, but there needs to be a bigger term for damn fine pears. I can't use the Richter scale because that has no ceiling, two thumbs up isn't adequate.

Oh My Gosh! Diary I thought of the perfect comparison. The ultimate measure! American Bandstand's rating scale! The highest American Bandstand rating you can get has been awarded to Harry And David's Pears: I am giving them a ninety-eight! They've got a great beat and are easy to dance to!



Today's diary entry has been sponsored by Harry and David. Holiday gift giving couldn't be easier, check out the Harry And David Gift Guide.


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